Yesterday Barbados said its farewell to the late Prime Minister David Thompson at a most moving state funeral. Ten days of mourning allowed time aplenty for people from all spaces of Barbadian life to reflect on David both in his personal life as well as on his political influence.
A consistent picture emerged from the recollections and from Brian Clarke’s poignant and affecting eulogy- someone who from an early age had a sense of himself as a leader, had a wide range of interests, was deeply engaged with people, with a facility for easy and honest connection, a dry wit and a modern and pragmatic approach to governing. He shared that deeply rooted Barbadian aspiration for social equality and believed in the state’s role for creating the conditions for mobility.
The pictures showed someone devoted to his family, loving and respecting his life partner, nurturing children who seem so natural and at ease with the public.
And I am left wondering how come it is that many of us knew so little about these things that should matter at least as much as socio-economic ideology or leadership style; about his relationships with family, friends and community. These give insight into character. And character, after all, may be the most of what counts when faced with decisions that affect the multitudes.
You may have noticed that I do not comment on current, small ‘p’ politics. It is a daily exercise in self-restraint and discipline, especially since I have a Double PHD in psychology with post-doctoral specialization in political psychology. Yes, I was home schooled. And you can keep your snobbish thoughts about unrecognized tertiary institutions. By the way, Douglas also has similar certification in meteorology, more precisely in early forecasting of storms. Praises.
Anyways, about politics, I think I will say, like Bill Maher: New Rule! We ought to demand from our political actors a base of decent family relationships, in whatever diverse ways that family is defined and lived. If they are in unions, we expect that they love their partners well or otherwise (and people do fall out of love) that partners are honoured with honesty and respect. Politicians must be in their children’s lives in meaningful and visible ways.
The personal is political. Surely we will be better served by political actors for whom respectful and equal partnerships matter and who care about family. It is a good starting point.
I wished to come back to O’leo’s comment.
The family is the first and closest community into which we come. It presents us with the best opportunities for learning, growing and sharing. The lessons are not necessarily easy, but if recognized and grasped, the lessons will certainly enable emotional growth, humility and less judgement. It does not mean that family members will become best friends.
Children also are some of our best teachers if we take the time and are humble enough, to listen and learn. This does not mean that we are not also their teachers, and guides, but the recognition that they provide opportunities for great personal growth is a humbling experience.
A statement such as “I can’t stand my family and really do not care for children”, suggests to me that the person making the statement has decided to resist learning and growing in important and necessary areas, central to effective leadership.
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I just returned from a trip in which I met one of David’s close colleague’s and was moved by their genuine expression of loss of a good person, friend and colleague. It was also clear from the children’s reports that they were describing someone whom they loved and who loved and nurtured them. Those close to the family also remarked even before his death how good a husband and father he was. This does not mean that he was perfect, but in his human imperfection his core values were clearly solid.
Roberta and Jan’s questions are central. How do we redefine good leadership so that our choices are based on the essentials rather than on the paper qualifications and eloquent rhetoric?
Mental agility now counts for much more than empathy and kindness. The highly competitive dog eat dog politics, where we focus on the negative and love eloquent use of words, even when they seek to tear down the other, is the sum total of what we now deem to be successful qualities of a leader .
The shift to more caring compassionate leadership would require that we examine our definition of success and good leadership in every sphere. It would also require that our markers of success include kindness and compassion. It would mean that our education system identify these qualities as essential areas of competence and actively nurture them.
It is up to us to redefine what we consider success and organize our systems and choose our leaders accordingly.
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“Someone (man or woman) who is abusive in their private relationships is unlikely to respect others, or to value caring labor… Their leadership is unlikely to give priority to policies that reflect those values.”
Is that the case?
I think so. While the politician may initially try not to let his/her policies reflect those negatives, and attempt to be politically correct, more than likely those influences will come through at some point… we can only pretend for so long.
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Roberta,
I’m moved by your comments about what politicians with respectful and caring family relationships have to offer political (or any other) leadership. I think O’leo misses the point (yes, Douglas,I do think we should discriminate against politicians like Belusconi and others in our region who are sexual predators).
What I take from what you’re saying is that character matters in leadership, and that, since the personal is political, character is grounded in our most intimate relationships. So, I want to follow through on Jan’s question, “How then do we take this realization that the family is the foundation of society and politics forward?”
If the family (broadly defined, of course) is the foundation, we take that realization forward by recognizing that the caring labor that goes into helping each of us realize our potential, and contribute to society (aka ‘social reproduction’!) must be recognized, and affirmed through sound social policy that pays attention to, and respects, all that unwaged work (carried out not only by women, but by some remarkable men I know too). It would include respecting women’s human rights (to be free of gender-based violence), as well as providing for basic education, health care and welfare, for water and sanitation, affordable housing etc.
Someone (man or woman) who is abusive in their private relationships is unlikely to respect others, or to value caring labor… Their leadership is unlikely to give priority to policies that reflect those values. I think that that’s part of the problem we face as we survey the field of political leadership today – the devaluation of the things needed for social reproduction (apologies for using the jargon).
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I agree with O’Leo. We mustn’t discriminate against leaders like Silvio Berlusconi.
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I too watched the state funeral – all done with class and style. I thought the tribute by Mr. Clarke was extremely moving – any relationship to you Roberta? I tuned off temporarily when hartly henry took the podium. When such glowing reviews are offered of a person at a time of death it leaves me to wonder whether all of it is true or is much of it clouded by the emotion surrounding the circumstance. I am happy though that PM Thompson was a good family man, citizen and friend.
My condolences to all Barbadians on his passing.
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Well, I can’t stand my family and really don’t care for children…would that make me a bad leader?
Who is to say family pictures are not good PR?
What defines a good leader? His ability to have a good family portrait or the ability to do the job?
Isn’t this stereotyping the fuel that puts barriers on people who want to live as individuals or break free from the norms ‘we’ ourselves can’t get away from?
I do not have a PHD …but if i did -knowledge is not wisdom.
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“I can’t stand my family and really do not care for children…would that make me a bad leader?”
well…..would it?
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I hope that the message of Family First is taken to heart. However, Barbados is a country of bone-deep hypocrisy, especially when it comes to family. We go to church with our spouses and children on Sunday and sleep with the outside man/woman during the week. Leading figures in society lead double lives and everybody knows it. No wonder so many of our children are messed up. It’s very much “Do as I say and not as I do.”
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Well said Roberta, especially from someone with a double PhD in psychology!!
I share your assessment of the quality of the funeral and of the positive picture of David that emerged, especially David the family man, but also his passion for social justice.
Is it possible that his early death could serve to reinforce these values in our society? Because in politics the art is to detract and to diminish the opposition. Just look at the character assassination of President Obama during the late campaign.
How then do we take this realization that the family is the foundation of society and politics forward? How do we avoid that the most conservative and traditional concepts of family are not held up as the norm and everyone else is considered deviant?
This is perhaps where your emphasis on respectful, honest and caring relationships comes in. This broader concept subsumes all the forms that ‘family’ takes these days and on which one can build politics that display the same values and principles…
This more open and wider approach would be most consistent with David’s legacy in both family and politics.
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