So much of our quality of life depends on the kindness and integrity of strangers, persons with whom we will have but a fleeting relationship, about whom we know practically nothing, or will ever know. It cannot be otherwise as humans are hardwired to live in community, in mutuality, cooperatively. We all engage in a whole lot of trust, routinely. We expect fidelity to purpose which is why when things end badly, go awry, it takes us by surprise. How? Why? we sputter, with dismay.
A few days ago, my computer having crashed, Russel gave me a reference to an IT guy. I called and he turned up that very evening, had a look see, diagnosed that my motherboard had crashed and left with the computer and money. Two days later, he returned and here I am typing happily and about to post my blog via internet. This IT guy, Andrew, brought me some serenity, smoothed out my feelings of disconnection by doing his job in a trustworthy and reliable way. My quality of life went up a degreed notch.
The wonder is that for the most part our trust in strangers is not misplaced. We get into taxis with strange men, we let plumbers deep into the bowels of our home, bank workers can piece together the whole story of our lives through the transactions they process. Yet we may be mistrustful, on the look out for being had, skulled. And that betrayal aversion is rational, as is the over the top response to isolated acts of infidelity. The ability of humans to live in society is conditional on trust, in matters of love, family, politics, business. Trust has to be closely policed and betrayals profoundly censured.
What happens when the balance is up-ended and betrayal becomes the norm rather than the exception? Hostility and antagonism as the default, separation from the collective, defensiveness, cynicism. Humanity and benevolence are undermined. The censure loses its sting, it is all to hell in a basket.
For those who need help, the computer technician is Andrew Rock and his number is 259-4447
Early in my career life, when personality questionnaires were common in applications for jobs as well as university admissions, I recall one question requesting that you list your weaknesses.
I responded ” too trusting”.
To my surprise (at the time), the interviewer queried my response and said ” that’s not a weakness, that ‘s a strength.
It is during Carnival and journeys overseas that I have had the most profound experiences of trust even though transient.
Over time, I guess I have learned to be very comfortable in relying on and trusting one’s instincts…albeit guarding the heart.
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I have been fascinated by this notion and experience of trust. I have heard on more than one occasion some people saying that the vendors at the market that I frequent are dishonest, while my trust in humanity has grown from my experiences at the same market.
The vendors are so honest that one gave a colleague of ours, who was shopping later, produce to deliver to us that we had forgotten. I have experienced vendors running me down to give me back change or produce that I may have left behind. One vendor does not count well and his neighbour looks out for him to ensure that the customers treat him fairly.
I have come to the conclusion that our expectations have a lot to do with how we experience life.
If our expectations are that men cheat then we attract men who cheat. I am very careful now to watch my thoughts, because I have determined that we play a larger part in shaping our reality than we dare to admit.
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I find what has helped me to trust is to know that good relations and relationships are what would make me feel happy, content, and safe. I have in the past disregarded others if they were not of use to my ambition, treating others as potential objects in my way to my goal. It has been good for me to come to realize that my goals have everything to do with good relationships; my goals cannot and should not be separated from my human obligation to serve and love others. It is never wholly bad to be betrayed, hurt or taken advantage of, so long as you can see your own folly in the interaction so that you can learn. And it is always good to be able to be eternally and humbly sorry for your own acts of dishonesty to keep your wounded ego grounded. Healing! So no one has to hurt anymore.
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It must surely be the case, as you note, that we have a need to trust or we could not be social beings. And although we may sometimes be disappointed (even now I’m waiting for the building handyman who is currently half an hour late having not turned up at all on Friday), other times we find that our faith in our fellow humans is more than justified. There are many good people out there who keep their word whether in their personal or professional lives.
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Intriguing reflections on trust Roberta! I tend to channel all my trust issues to the Lord and trust dat HE will sort dem out! De saying – “in God we trust, in man we bus’ ” has too often been proven true for me. When I solicit His wisdom He leads me to the right people or them to me or He opens the door I need at the time.
Take now for example.Just dis morning I prayed for Him to help me get my printer working…….an’ den I read your reflections! Does Mr. Rock have any connections in T’dad?….
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