As the story goes, my brother Ronnie and I (ages 3 and 2) walked to our baptism, up a steep hill to a Catholic church in Massacre in Dominica. But since then not much more church. My mother, who grew up Catholic and remains a believer and follower, gave way to Bobby, who was not at all interested, in fact hostile, to the organised religions that he knew, for their colour and class bias, for the demand for obeisance to irrationality; and for hypocrisy and indifference to social injustice. For him the Christian church practice seemed a far way from the life of Jesus of the New Testament.
My few recollections of church are of Westbury School expeditions to the sedate, atmospheric St. Leonard’s Church across the street, since burnt down and replaced with an awkward, unattractive structure. I did not experience first communion, was not confirmed and did not go to Sunday school. Church was a club to which we did not belong. Strange in a Caribbean which is defined by the zeal of church going; stranger still in Barbados, where a church building, majestic or makeshift, is around every corner.
I did not then or now sense a gap. However one is grown, usually becomes the default, the normal. I did, though, have the odd twinge of missing out on the communion, people with the wafer in their mouth, coming down the aisle radiating satisfaction and connection, so complete. Like they hold the secret to the universe.
When I tell people that I have no experience of church, I see puzzlement straight away in their eyes and sometimes pity. They cannot imagine what that life is like. It seems empty, without purpose. One person asked me, “But then where do you get your values?’
This omission in socialization is one which my mother regrets. She thinks that she has failed in this parenting duty, to raise children in church, according to her faith.
Yet, for me, it is one of the things for which I am appreciative of both my parents. That they left this question for us to decide in our own time while giving us a secular moral compass. Doing good for its own reward and not for a promise of the hereafter.
I have yet to think too deeply about religion. When I do, mostly I am bemused. Bemused by the routine and easy recourse to convenient thinking – ‘everything happens for a reason’; ‘it must be God’s will’; ‘nothing before its time’; ‘God don’t sleep’. And when things go awry, ‘the devil working today’. As Ann, my sister, notes, whether an event is attributed to God or the devil depends on whether the event is beneficial to the speaker.
I know that this is an unfair simplification, a caricature even. I understand that the question of belief is inextricably linked to the challenge of being good and living well, whether in organised religion, or the alternative in the minds of many, living spiritually. Meaning living with belief in a divine force but not with ritual.
Over the next few months I will be church going across Barbados and wherever I may be, from the pentecostal to the more staid, to the less organised. I want to get a sense of what happens in those spaces, in the diversity of those spaces. I expect that I will continue to see that church is a powerful, positive community experience; but also that where faith dwells, some reason is suspended. Beyond that though there must be much to understand and appreciate.
And I am going to try hard for the open mind. Let’s see.
living in exceedingly secular toronto, the prospect of religious affiliation intruiges me more and more as i grow and mature. i have asked people about their faith and their rituals, critically and perhaps mildly offensively, in the hope of understanding what are the fundamental differences between what catholocism has taught me and the teachings of countless other religions and belief systems.
is it important to identify with a religion, to be a part of that club? i feel like religious affiliation helps to define who you are, but this is not always for the good. religious affiliation can come with stigma and judgement from outsiders, and insiders. but perhaps a person who is strong in their faith doesn’t concern themselves with that…
i have no quarrel with the idea of faith or the belief in a higher being… i feel/see the evidence of a higher power in the simplest of happenings. in my opinion, there must be a glue between time and space and matter which links consequence to action, and that we must acknowledge and appreciate it. however, i am wary of (what i believe to be) human-made categories that have been used to divide and conquer and disadvantage others. as race, gender and sexual orientation helps us to locate the other, religion serves as a justification for a mind state that removes the compassion humans should have for each other no-matter-what.
i am thankful that i have been brought up in the catholic church, for there are definite benefits of the lessons learned. but i am also thankful that i have a indifferent and often critical attitude to any form of culturally dictated organization. not sure if i believe in the bible’s description of hell, and the prospect of the bible’s description of heaven is not motivational or encouraging for me… so i think it has been most important for me to try to understand all religions from an entirely objective standpoint and then choose, if i want, if i feel that it is really decessary, a faith system that makes the most sense to me. or, i can just believe.
catholocism was what you were born into, so seek that out, but perhaps you should expand your church going excursions to mosques and temples. never know what you will find 🙂
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Both my parents brought me up in the Christian church. We went regularly, like everyone else we knew.
The crux came via their tastes in literature. While Mummy was reading me Dr. Seuss and Lewis Carroll, Daddy’s choice of bedtime story-telling was such like Lobsang Rampa’s “Why I am Not a Christian”, Gibran’s “The Prophet” and the Koran. He urged my critique of all these concepts and my brain had no choice but to pry itself open. I’m talking age 8 or so.
He died when I was 11, and it was at least a decade or more before I received any meaningful intellectual or spiritual stimulation again. Actually, it was exactly when I entered York University at age 17 that I began to seriously think again. The ground had already been laid fertile, in my case, by vehicle of creative spiritual questioning.
But like some of the other writers here, I grew to find available church sermons a great yawning bore, and I fell off, to put it mildly.
It was not until I took up studies in Psychotherapy that my interest in religion was re-kindled. This is because it became irrefutably clear to me that persons with a sincerely spiritual bent were generally more emotionally stable, and definitely more compassionate and generous.
I pondered the co-relation between spirituality and mental health, and I went headlong into my research of it.
In Toronto, I hooked up with a group called the Spirituality in Health Care Network, in which psychiatrists, medical doctors, scientists, priests, exorcists, rabbis, sufi masters, artists, visionaries and such like, would meet to discuss their deeply considered findings that all “ill” people healed much faster, and stayed healed much longer, than persons who had no faith. There is much scientific collaboration published on this. And there was never any wasted time posturing about whose God was the most muscular, or whose doctrine was “The Truth”.
As a mental health practitioner, this enquiry interested me greatly. Yes?
I was led to Buddhism, and to significant study with monks and nuns in that discipline, in which we investigated methods of consciousness-building and mind-expansion, with the objective of accessing equanimity, peace of mind, and harmony within the full scope of existence. And stronger mental/emotional resilience too. These are my concerns and orientations.
I have to say here, for any who may not know, that Buddhism is NOT a religion. Buddhah is a simple human man who showed an extraordinary path to compassion, to non-violence and to peaceful co-existence with all sentient beings and the earth.
And I have to say here, that it is through Buddhism that I have recovered my faith in Christ, because those good people led discussions on that teacher’s life, lectures, and lived experiences that are good and true and awe-inspiring.
So, I’m very fine with being a Christian, and very appreciative of my parents inputs, though I haven’t been to church in about 20 years and have no good reason to ever go.
Unfortunately, it remains true, in my experience, that our Christian communities are too often rife with ego, power, control, arrogance and other bullshit, plus zero intellectual challenge.
Not for me.
But I do absolutely believe in Christ and in the benefits of a sound spiritual upbringing.
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Raised fully in Catholicism – convent, devout grandparents, parents, cousins etc, I experienced initially the discipline of “going to church, saying your prayers, celebrating the feasts, Legion of Mary, lecter, etc.” I questioned and challenged the institutional aspects during my later teenage years and then progressed naturally into the prodigal phase during university years. I tried to delve deeper through Bible study and even joined the charismatic movement for a short time. I also participate in the rituals of the different faiths, but only in the spirit of community.
Never in my journey, in good and bad times has my faith wavered. True, the ills and scandals that have rocked our institution hurts and must be dealt with. I do not consider that I am a model Christian but I know that I have been protected. Love of God resides deep and somehow fills the voids that nothing else in life can ever satisfy.
I am probably one of those who look with “pity” at atheism much in the same way I guess that those of us who believe are somehow considered to be lacking in intellect.
I wonder though, if we take away the pillar of church ( of all religions) from the community of school, family and neighbourhood, are we doing good by the youth?
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I too had the experience of church every Sunday. At one point at age 16 I even thought about becoming a nun!
In university left the church for good (I thought) and became an aspiring communist (being taught by the likes of Trevor Munore et al)
Through the early part of my marriage (to a now devout atheist) had no part of church, so my first child had little or no God (great battles with my mother!).
I have decided on a different approach with my other two children who have been baptized, taken their first Communion, and are now in the two year confirmation program. I decided to take this path with my younger children because I found my older son to be lacking in what I want to call a social conscience… directionless. Sacrificing a year before or after college working with Habitat for Humanity for example would not enter his psyche whereas I know it would be an option for the twins.
My point is this, in the current world environment where the only dedicated dogma left seems to be anti- globalization, there are limited outlets to covert passion, tolerance and contribute in ‘the here and now’
The church offers outreach programs which encourage community service and empathy. Most teens now are all about (to quote Drake)”the money, the cars, the clothes” Its a selfish existence which I’m not sure can be corrected with age if the right foundation was never present. My children may choose later on to not go to church, I feel indifference towards this because I know that ‘church’ may have awaken the compassionate part of them which they may not have developed had I left it to chance. This is not to say that sending them to church guarantees this, but it is to me worth trying.
As for my own conflict on the issue of the church personally I still go expectantly… but never quite satisfied. Luckily for me gone are the days of the fire and brimstone sermons, love is on the menu now, for all your problems …love is the answer! which is palatable and makes the doubts in my mind that this is utter nonsense a bit quieter.
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Welcome to the journey Roberta. Dag Hammarskjold said that we have accomplished so much as a human community in exploring outer space, but the bigger challenge is exploring inner space.
Whenever something is institutionalized, it loses some of its essence. Within institutions the message is subject to the level of enlightenment or otherwise of the messenger. It is true and sad that many who lead and speak on behalf of institutions including the church do so from a perspective of power and ego, rather than a perspective of unconditional love. This is the nature of our human condition.
This is an important journey on which you have embarked. Do not give up your own power and trust your insights.
God Speed.
Rosina
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Roberta, sounds like a fascinating journey.
I want to come.
Religions continue to puzzle (and yes, bemuse) me – the similarities, the differences, the rituals and the ‘obvious’ faith. I’ve had the baptism, the catholic primary school, the confirmation classes etc. but not so much, the religion.
The thespian inside me today is more fascinated by the performances and the fervence.
As much as I love churches though, I’m afraid I may be a little less than open minded though (I may giggle, sigh or even steups).
That said, I am interested in the sociological and anthropological edifying, the calming as well as the worked up excitement (a la spirtual baptist) of it all.
I agree with you that there may be much to understand and appreciate – on that I am open-minded.
If you would like/don’t mind the company, shout me.
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I had the opposite childhood experience to you, in that my parents insisted on church every Sunday followed (for my sister and I) by Sunday school in the afternoon – called ‘Crusaders’, if you can imagine. Perhaps that’s why by 16 (at most) I’d decided it was all a sham; since then – 40-plus years – I’ve thought about it a lot and seen no reason to change my mind. While I agree with your aunt that there are many benefits to being a regular church-goer, I would suggest that belief in God is not the key factor. That hasn’t turned out to be such a positive thing for humanity as a whole (from long before the actual Crusades till now).
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BRAVO Roberta!!!!!
Dare I say that I believe that you are being led by the Holy Spirit? An open mind is all you need to find your way as begin this search..
I would like to accompany you on this journey not necessariyly in a physical sense of attending various churches with you, (though you are most welcome to join me at St. Patrick’s any Sunday ) but by sharing your insights and thinking on the deeper purpose of being a regular ‘church-goer” and the many spiritual and soul-satisfying benefits which may be derived , not only in a hereafter, but right here and right now which is the only place and time we can influence and try to shape while we live.
GO for it !!!!!
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